Hog's Wash
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: VERY different... a fun-loving way to rid the horrible year that is season 6...    I hope you enjoy it. One-shot


_A/N: I have this picture of Brennan in the car after Booth says that HIDEOUS line… and she has this crushing look on her face, almost pleading, and I wince every time I look at it, but it's on the background of my computer, so it's in my face, and this idea sprung from that. This is VERY different… bear in mind, and if you don't like it, NO worries, it's just for a laugh… I hope you like it =)_

You ever wondered why emotions surface at the most inopportune time? I do. I wonder about it every day. Even those who have a strong barrier feel themselves fall under the spell of what one calls "falling apart".

Just look at the evidence.

Dr. Temperance Brennan for example, the first time we met her, she was this courageous-take-no-crap kind of woman. I mean, she said "BOO!" to the guard who tried to arrest her for carrying her work around in a duffel bag, and she decked him if you can remember back that far. I for one thought she was fabulous! Anyone who can kick a guy's butt that way deserves my applause.

But the thing is… she didn't stay that way. The last time you saw her, what happened? She FELL APART! I mean don't get me wrong, the guy in the car, behind the wheel was being this pompous arrogant, son of a… well, you get the picture. If I were her, I might have fallen apart too. After all, he was the one she was crying over, the man she loved, the one who claimed to believe whatever crap he did about souls becoming one… blah, blah, blah.

That's the thing with men, they do that… mind games, and beautiful words, and sexy smoldering body language, until they have you swooning over them like they're Brad Pitt… okay, not a great example. I'm not a Brad Pitt fan. He doesn't have what it takes to make my knees go weak… _Chandler Bing_, now, he's a man who's got the goods, for sure. You know the one… funny guy, always making jokes, and for a long time he was really bad with women, you know who I'm talking out, he- right… sorry. I'm getting off track.

What was I saying?

Oh, yeah, right…

MEN! This guy behind the wheel… what's his name… Seals… Sherry… Seeley…. That's the one, Seeley. He claimed to love the Doc, and was willing to do anything for her, but she wasn't interested. Yeah, right, did we all fall out of the last apple tree? I think NOT! She wanted the guy… we all saw it, the evidence, as she insists upon was definitely there, but she had emotional issues.

Understandable, the guy had to move on, but coming back from Afghanistan with the blonde tramp, what was THAT about?

And the new found attitude he's adopted… to treat her like a concrete wall with no feelings, a boxing bag that he can use to let out his own aggression and anger. I think not… as far as I'm concerned, he can take it back with him to Afghanistan, along with his stupid blonde tramp, who by the way, is nothing more than a "I can't have the Doc, so I'll take the nearest female with legs". And what is with the BED SCENES? ARGH! If I have to see that blonde woman wrap her legs around his ONE more time, I think I'm gonna gag out a football field. Considering we got less when the FBI agent and the Doc were locking lips in fantasy world…

Are we really expected to buy this load of Hog's wash? I for one am NOT convinced that this is the direction to go.

Let's look back on the past… yeah, that seems like a good idea.

You got an FBI agent who follows the Doc around like a lost puppy. He brings her a Christmas' tree, kisses her under the mistletoe, lets her father get away with more than he should, tracks down her brother, puts his life on the line to protect her, he holds her when she cries and calls it "a guy hug" who is he TRYING to convince here? He dances with her at her reunion… he gives her license for a gun… encourages her to sing, tells her his darkest secret… gives new meaning to HOTBLOODED… he teaches her pop culture references… he gives her a pig… a smurf… tells her she's beautiful, and- and now he just makes me PLAIN MAD!

I suggest we do all we can to erase the past year… cause I have to say the look on her face when that guy said, "_She's not a consolation prize… I love her"_ I didn't care for that. The earth shattering devastation on the poor Doc's face caused my own heart to break, and that doesn't sit well with me. I don't like feeling crushed, as I know she doesn't either, and I assume anyone with a heart who saw that look on her face, was likely in tears too.

So, let's fix the problem, beginning with cheering up the Doc, who's with me?

I'm sorry. You must think I'm rude. I haven't even introduced myself yet…

I'm a friend of the Doc's… names not important, all you need to know is that I got her back. I know how to protect her. I carry the goods.

I just need some help, you know a shovel, a body bag, the poison you coat the glass with… anyone interested in the job. It pays well. Not money of course, but by the end of it, we'll all get the B&B lovin' we were hoping for… and we get rid of that HORRID blonde tramp.

And that's gotta be worth something, right?

_A/N: Like I said VERY different… well, like the narrator said… who's with me?_


End file.
